Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
