My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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