I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
