apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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