he thought i was a dude.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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