Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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