I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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