Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
