Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
