Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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