dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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