ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
