so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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