dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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