haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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