i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
