She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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