I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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