why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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