did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
