I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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