found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
