I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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