The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
