i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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