she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
