Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
this just has baby written all over it
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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