Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
