Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
