I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
