I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.