I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco