Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
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Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.