i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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