My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to