my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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