if you like me you must not know who I am
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯