R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??