Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
