1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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