i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
