Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
