Quick, to the slutcave!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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