Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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