Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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