Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize