Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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