and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I got inside last night via doggy door
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
