New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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