Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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