dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
