Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
