I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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