i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
