I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
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I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
where are my eyebrows?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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