ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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