I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
