Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
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Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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