Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
