worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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