Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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