I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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