so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
