Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
