Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
