Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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